Brew Reviews

Petrus Gouden Tripel Ale

Price comparison: About twice the price, ounce for ounce, of domestic macrobrews; however, in a four-pack, pretty affordable at about $10 USD. Not for me, though - this was a holiday gift from G and I spent precisely nothing on it.

Alcohol percentage by volume: 7½%

Cute bottle/label? Slender little brown 11.2 ounce bottle with a black and beige label depicting a jolly, Santa-looking monk holding a chalice in one hand and a humongous key in the other - presumably the key referred to in the slogan over the jolly monk's head: The Key to Heaven.

Appearance: Cheerily yellow, delicate but profuse effervescence rendering its appearance nearly opaque. Lovely, soapy, snow-white head leaving sticky mounds on the sides of the goblet.

Scent: Spice, citrus, and a faint yeastiness.

Flavor: The hoppiness catches you almost immediately, with a fresh piney feel. Deep grapefruit tones with a touch of honey and malt at the finish.

Impressions: I don't know if it's the key to heaven, but it is a very smooth, drinkable beer - stronger than the leading brands of domestics but not too strong for session. The hoppiness pairs well with anything salty, from bar snacks, to most deeply-flavored cuisines, to pungent cheeses, though it's definitely got sufficiently interesting characteristics to fly solo.

Will I buy this beer again? Yes. It's not a great value in and of itself, but it's packaged very affordably and its flavor and drinkability are worth it. I don't think you'll find this in a supermarket or any packaged goods shop without a decent selection of imports, but if you can get your hands on some, I do recommend it. (Thanks and a hi-sign to G.)

Rating:

4 out of 5 cute beer glasses

Maredsous 10

Price comparison: About 1½ times what I pay for everyday beer.

Alcohol percentage by volume: 10%

Cute bottle/label? Squat little brown 11.2 ounce bottle with a nicely stylized-bordering-on-modernistic-iconic brown, orange, and black label. Definitely crying back to its spiritual abbey roots without hammering religion down one's throat.

Appearance: Dark orange with a thick, sticky white head and hyperactive natural carbonation. Deep sheets of lacing left on the goblet.

Scent: Much more maltiness and sweet alcohol than I generally perceive in a Belgian, but that's to be expected. Hints of deep sweet fruitiness like cherry and plum.

Flavor: Very sweet malt and caramel with pronounced alcoholic heat. Slight yeastiness and a small peppery hint at the finish. Creamy, nearly sticky mouthfeel. Nearly a teaspoonful of yeast left at the bottom of the bottle

Impressions: Warm and pretty enjoyable. Not a sit-down-and-have-a-coupla-brewskis kind of beer. Too strong to drink by itself but, unlike its cousin Duvel, not as well balanced and much too deep in flavor to serve as a serious accompaniment for expensive cuts of meat or luxurious vegetables. I would probably not serve this with a meal, but possibly as an appetizer with strong cheeses, grapes, olives, and pickles.

Will I buy this beer again? Yes, I did like the depth and the nice, not-too-harsh alcohol kick. Not a regular player, but I'd pick it up again if I saw it. I also think that this would cellar well, considering the fact that it's designed to referment in the bottle and has already done so more than once, and there was residual yeast that could possibly raise the alcohol volume still further over the period of another six months to a year.

Rating:

4 out of 5 cute beer glasses

Kasteel Bier Triple

Price comparison: About $10.00 USD per 750 ml.

Alcohol percentage by volume: 11%.

Cute bottle/label? 750 ml dark green glass champagne-style, corked, caged, and foiled. Ink-and-watercolor of a moat-surrounded building which I have yet to find identification for: I presume it's a monastic brewery, but I have no proof. The brewery's website appears to be nothing more than a holding spot for further programming that never took place.

Appearance: Bright gold, yielding a creamy white head and sheets of thin lace.

Scent: Butterscotch and white grapes, with a mild, nutty maltiness throughout.

Flavor: Warm, but not burningly alcoholic, with malt, cinnamon, and yeast prevalent, and a gentle citrus-vanilla finish.

Impressions: I wasn't expecting a beer this big to be so smoothly drinkable. I drank it rather faster than was probably good for me, but didn't care.

Will I buy this beer again? Yes, yes, absolutely. It's attractive and not too crass to serve with dinner (I felt it would go nicely with pasta dishes or lightly sauced poultry) and it's very affordable for its quality. Also, it's a live (still contains active yeast) ale, so it could certainly cellar well and possibly even increase in alcohol content over a period of time.

Rating:

4½ out of 5 cute beer glasses

La Chouffe

Price comparison: A little under 1½ times what I pay for everyday beer.

Alcohol percentage by volume: 8%

Cute bottle/label? 750 ml dark green glass, with a cap instead of the cork, cage, and foil I've grown so fond of. A little guy with a white beard and bright red hat; nose also bright red, and Dutch-styled clogs, carrying a bundle of hops over his shoulder. I presume he is the titular gnome (chouffe being the French for gnome). Not as cute as a Keebler elf, but a decent beer mascot. Also present on the bottle is a small depiction of the ale in an appropriately-shaped chalice, which is a nice visual hint as to how to serve the stuff if you're not sure.

Appearance: Deep copper with a large ivory head that dissipated quickly into blobs of floating lace.

Scent: Yeast and citrus zest prominent; chased by clove, ground coriander, and a bit of black pepper.

Flavor: Tasted less spicy than it smelled; light maltiness twisting quickly to a dry, tannic finish.

Impressions: This is one of the reasons you have to get the right glasses, even if they're cheap. There's no way I would have enjoyed this as much as I did if I couldn't smell it at the same time I was tasting it. However, I did have a nice goblet (2 for $1 USD at a craft store), so I was golden. The flavor would have been disappointing without the accompanying spicy scents; with, it was really quite good.

Will I buy this beer again? The dryness makes it nice with any food you might ordinarily pair with a red wine, and the coriander and pepper aromas would be a nice companion to ethnic cookery.

Rating:

4 out of 5 cute beer glasses

Duinen Tripel

Price comparison: About twice the price of everyday beer.

Alcohol percentage by volume: 9%

Cute bottle/label? 750 ml white bottle (on closer inspection, the bottle reveals itself to be dark glass that has been airbrushed an opaque white, whether with paint or some sort of ceramic, I cannot tell), topped with a resealable cork and gold foil. Understated white, yellow, and blue label, including the abbey year (Anno 1107).

Appearance: Bright orange with small white head. Left flecks of yeast in the bottom of the goblet.

Scent: Heavily influenced by citrus peel and yeast.

Flavor: Oranges, black pepper, malt, sweet alcohol, with a nice dry hoppy finish.

Impressions: I admit to having been somewhat amused by the fact that the first three letters of this beer's name are D.U.I. Seriously, though, I need to look further into this importer, Merchant du Vin, from Seattle, and see what else they have brought to our country. This was a delicious, big, refreshing beer.

Will I buy this beer again? At twice the price, it's no bargain; however, the flavor is easy, even with the high alcohol content, and it would go nicely with seafood or poultry. If you're willing to shell out the extra fold and are new to Belgian beers, this is probably a good place to start, because from what information is on the bottle alone, it's available on both coasts of the US and the yeast content is such that it will age well and the alcohol content will boost over time. I'm going to get some more myself - it's also available in 11.2 ounce single-serving white bottles.

Rating:

4 out of 5 cute beer glasses

Grottenbier Bruin

Price comparison: About $3.00 USD more per twelve-ounces than the standard American macrobrew.

Alcohol percentage by volume: 6.7%.

Cute bottle/label? 750 ml brown glass, corked and caged, with a dignified blue and white label. The bottle I got has English labeling ("Grotten Brown" is the name on it).

Appearance: Dark brown, like cola, with a thick beige foam that dissapated to a scattering of lace islands.

Scent: Sweet fruitiness: bananas, raisins, cloves, and some citrus and malt.

Flavor: Bitter and yeasty, with a mild funkiness and not enough hops to balance it. A light caramel feel to the finish.

Impressions: It was Belgian, which made it more interesting and slightly higher-octane than domestic brews almost by definition, but it was also one of the less miraculous Belgians I've had.

Will I buy this beer again? I've had better for the price. Not bad, worth a try once, but I'm ready to move on.

Rating:

3½ out of 5 cute beer glasses

Quintine Ambrée

Price comparison: About twice the price of everyday beer.

Alcohol percentage by volume: 8½%

Cute bottle/label? 11.2 ounce cute squat brown glass with matte-finish brownish label and a built-in flip-top cork.

Appearance: Opaque orange with thick white head and smeary lace.

Scent: Sticky orchard fruits, malt, and some caramel, very faint hint of spices.

Flavor: Smooth wine flavor, tannic without being overpoweringly so, with some dryness at the finish reminiscent of a burgundy.

Impressions: I liked the winey characteristic of this, particularly if I was put into a position to recommend a beer that would pair well with, for instance, a meat and potatoes sort of meal, or if I needed to cook something using a strong red wine but did not have any at hand. On the other hand, Belgian or no, this is pricy to be drinking on a regular basis, let alone cooking with.

Will I buy this beer again? I bought this pretty much on the strength of how cute the bottle is. Yes, it tastes good, yes, I might consider buying it again if I were planning to serve it with beef or something of that ilk, and yes, I imagine it will age well, but it's probably never going to make regular appearances in my home. I don't have any qualms about recommending it, though — it's good and the bottle is, indeed, extremely cute ... it's all down to deciding whether or not those qualities justify the extra money, which is, as always, a matter of perspective.

Rating:

4 out of 5 cute beer glasses

Trappist Achel 8° Blond

Price comparison: About twice the price of everyday beer.

Alcohol percentage by volume: 8%

Cute bottle/label? 11.2 ounce brown glass with an understated earth-toned label.

Appearance: Cloudy yellow with a thick white head and sticky lace.

Scent: A mixture of wildflowers and assorted sweet fruits, with some reminiscence of brandy.

Flavor: I was very much reminded of banana walnut pancakes, with the whole maple syrup/butter experience and maybe even a café au lait. The finish did have a slight yeasty bitterness.

Impressions: The pancake thing is just really odd when it's not breakfast-time. Also, the carbonation was a bit sharp. But overall, it was a really nice Trappist.

Will I buy this beer again? Not the best buy, but very good Trappist Belgian. The slender little bottles would be nice to serve out cold at a less formal cocktail party, and the flavor would pair well with cheeses and cold canapés.

Rating:

4 out of 5 cute beer glasses

Bornem Tripel

Price comparison: About twice as much as the average domestic national brand.

Alcohol percentage by volume: 9 %

Cute bottle/label? Squat brown 330 ml bottle with some Mondrian-ish block drawings of steeples and a stork with a fish in its beak.

Appearance: Golden yellow with a huge snowy head that left foam all the way down the glass.

Scent: Very fruitlike; neither hops nor malt detectable in the nose whatsoever. The fruitiness is like a canned fruit cocktail with no one aroma prevalent.

Flavor: Very alcoholic in flavor, but with a spicy bite at the finish. Neither hoppy nor malty enough to satisfy the beer lover in me.

Impressions: It was okay, but I didn't think this was nearly as special as it ought to have been for a Belgian. I guess I'm a bit spoiled.

Will I buy this beer again? Probably not; there are better beers available at lower prices.

Rating:

3½ out of 5 cute beer glasses

Piraat Triple IPA

Price comparison: Between $1.50 - $2 more (per twelve ounces) than the average domestic national brand.

Alcohol percentage by volume: 10½%

Cute bottle/label? I know one can get it in bottles, but I've never seen one in person. I got ½ gallon from the kegs at the MOBY DICK in one of my black growlers.

Appearance: Light golden orange with a big white head and some lace.

Scent: Mostly nice Belgian malt, but the alcohol is somewhat present on the aroma, particularly as it warms.

Flavor: The hops are spicy, with a citrus peel bite. The alcohol is evident but smoothed over by malt, with a yeasty finish.

Impressions: I found the carbonation, though natural, to be a bit high in this one. The flavors are pretty good. This is a fairly big beer, though its composition balances the alcohol well. I wouldn't drink it on an empty stomach, but it would be overpowered by any really strong or spicy foods. I'd say this would be a good choice with lightly-sauced poultry or seafood.

Will I buy this beer again? At the price, it's not an everyday drinking beer, but I'd refill the growler if I needed it for a specific dinner party or similar occasion.

Rating:

3½ out of 5 cute beer glasses

Gulden Draak

Price comparison: About twice the price of everyday beer.

Alcohol percentage by volume: 10½%

Cute bottle/label? 11.2 ounce white ceramic-looking bottle, squat and unglamorous, but kind of cool nonetheless. Red, black, and metallic-gold label depicting a stylized gold dragon (copied from the statue on top of the clock tower at Ghent).

Appearance: Dark chocolatey brown with a thick tan head and heavy lacing.

Scent: Sweet smokiness with cherry, cranberry, and plum, also a hint of vine-ripe tomato on the edges.

Flavor: Malt and sweet wine, not very hoppy. Nice spicy finish though.

Impressions: It was a bit sweet but the big alcohol was nicely couched in the surrounding flavors. This is strong enough to go quite well with any grilled foods, with or without sauce.

Will I buy this beer again? It's not a great bargain, but it's a good strong Belgian. If you've never had Belgian beer before, I wouldn't recommend starting with this unless you are already used to sweet sherry or port wine. However, I like it a lot and I got a nice buzz from it.

Rating:

4 out of 5 cute beer glasses

Delirium Nocturnum

Availability: 2003 vintage.

Price comparison: A gift from Laura. (Thank you!)

Alcohol percentage by volume: 8½%

Cute bottle/label? 750 ml deckled white ceramic, corked-and-caged with a blue neckfoil; year (2003) on the cork. Pink elephant on the label.

Appearance: Dark cola-colored with a beige head, brightens to a deep bronze when held to the light. Virtually no lacing, but the carbonation reactivated every time I picked up the glass. Very lively.

Scent: Sweet alcohol with some spice and some vanilla. Soft plum and banana aromas began to emerge as it warmed.

Flavor: Malt, with a hint of green apple and rum, but with a dry sour-cherry finish. Smooth, not much hops.

Impressions: A far better-balanced ale than the Delirium Tremens, to my palate, and more drinkable as well. I wanted a bowl of French onion soup with this, or an order of frites.

Will I buy this beer again? The cute bottle is, of course, the big selling point for me on this beer, but it is a delicious Belgian, which always makes me happy. The price for the bottle cuteness plus the good beer is what will ultimately clinch it. I think I will look around for some older vintages (2001 perhaps) and see how they age, because this has the feel of a brew that could mellow nicely given some time.

Rating:

4 out of 5 cute beer glasses

Oude Kriek Lambic

Price comparison: About twice the price of beer.

Alcohol percentage by volume: 6%.

Cute bottle/label? 12.7 ounce green bottle, shaped like a smaller version of a wine bottle. Label printed to resemble crinkled parchment.

Appearance: Rosy red with a small ring of bubbles round the rim of the glass.

Scent: Okay. (Deep breath.) I need to preface this by saying that this was my first-ever encounter with a lambic. Is everyone clear on that? Good.

It smelled to me like cow poop.

I'm sorry. I can't think of a graceful way to describe the aroma. It's musty and unappetizing and just ... icky.

Flavor: The aroma was so offputting to me I was nearly unable to sample it, but I felt I had to. Lambics, apparently, are very sour. This one is cherry, but I really couldn't taste a lot of cherry. It tasted like a very dry red wine mixed with beer and vinegar. It had a very thin mouthfeel and a dry finish that made me strongly suspect the addition of tannins.

Impressions: As lambics go, particularly krieks, this one was recommended to me by the retailer as one of the more popular ones. But I guess we're going to have to face facts here. I had never had a lambic before and I wanted to see if I'd like them. Apparently, I do not.

I'm going to try to make this as unbiased as possible, so that, if you do like lambics, you can get an idea of what to look forward to here, and also because I feel bad rating a style of beer that I obviously am neither familiar enough with nor fond enough of to be really fair.

Um.

I think that, if you like very dry red wine, or if you like sour beers, then this would be something you would enjoy. It would probably go well with a strongly-flavored beef dish such as grilled steak.

If you are unused to drinking very sour beverages, I would hesitate to recommend this to you, because it is almost painfully sour and the aroma is overwhelming. The experience would take some getting used to. Which leads me to ...

Will I buy this beer again? I will not. This was the first time I not only didn't like a beer I was reviewing, but couldn't even bring myself to finish drinking it. I had to pour it out.

I have no intention of getting used to lambic. If I want dry red wine, I'll have a glass of merlot. If I want to smell cow poop, I'll go to a farm.

Rating:

5 out of 5 chalk marks. Chalking it up to experience.

Val-Dieu Triple

Price comparison: About twice the price of the average domestic national brand.

Alcohol percentage by volume: 9%

Cute bottle/label? 750 ml corked-and-caged; year (2004) on the cork. Red label with a woodcut of the Abbaye Val-Dieu (Valley of God Abbey) and the establish year (1216).

Appearance: Cloudy copper with a thick white head and not so much lace as clumps of suds retained on the glass.

Scent: Bright citrus with yeast and malt.

Flavor: Spicy sweet (clove and pepper); the yeast is also nicely present in the flavor. Peppery citrus-peel finish.

Impressions: This is another beautiful Belgian abbey ale; I can't get my fill of it, and it gets more aromatic and interesting as it warms. Clean and crisp, and very well balanced.

Will I buy this beer again? I think I'd rather get it in smaller bottles next time, if it's available; the head was more fun on the first pour than on subsequent ones from the big bottle.

Rating:

4 out of 5 cute beer glasses

Delirium Tremens

Price comparison: About twice as much as the average national domestic.

Alcohol percentage by volume: 8½%

Cute bottle/label? Snowy white opaque 750ml bottle, deckled in navy blue. Corked, caged; neck wrapped in blue foil. The label itself depicts crocodiles with sunglasses, a couple of dragons balancing on gold balls, and - of course - pink elephants.

Appearance: Hazy peach-colored with large white head and blobs of lace on the glass.

Scent: Malt, cream and lemon, and some pepperiness.

Flavor: Strong malt and pepper, Earl Gray tea. The carbonation is very lively. The finish is a bit alcoholic.

Impressions: This is quite good, but not necessarily as drop-dead-gorgeous as I was led to believe by the kid at the IHOD.

Will I buy this beer again? I love the bottle; it's adorable. I understand there are snifters with pink elephants available as well; I might buy this again if I could get matching glasses. I'm not disappointed by this, except in the sense that it's a Belgian (old family brewery, not Trappist) and I tend to set very high standards for Belgian beer. As far as the flavor and the kick are concerned, La Fin du Monde is better balanced and more cost-effective overall as well.

Rating:

3½ out of 5 cute beer glasses

Affligem Noël Christmas Ale

Availability: Seasonal; winter only.

Price comparison: About twice the price of everyday beer.

Alcohol percentage by volume: 9%

Cute bottle/label? 750 ml corked and caged with a metallic red/green/gold/silver Christmasy label.

Appearance: Clear dark amber with a thick alabaster head. Tiny specks of lace on the glass.

Scent: Sweet malt; toffee; black raspberry.

Flavor: Malt with a lightly chocolate and fruity background, a bit like mulled wine at the finish.

Impressions: So smooth and quiet, I don't know that I'd order it in a busy pub or serve it at a big party, but it's festive enough that I wouldn't necessarily just want to put my feet up and chill out all by myself with it, either. I think it'd go nicely with a small cozy holiday dinner, particularly one of those old fashioned meatless Christmas dinners. I feel kind of bad that I didn't get this sooner so I could clue people in about it ahead of time.

Will I buy this beer again? Next year, certainly, and if there's still a bottle of this year's brew available on Friday, I'll pick it up for next year. Absolutely lovely.

Rating:

4½ out of 5 cute beer glasses

Corsendonk Christmas Ale

Price comparison: Twice what I pay for everyday beer.

Alcohol percentage by volume: 8½%

Cute bottle/label? Brown 12 ounce standard-shaped glass with a colorfully-snowy-Christmasy label.

Appearance: Deep garnet-red, opaque with yeast. Reasonably thick, beige-colored head; not much lace.

Scent: Brandy, citrus peel, hops.

Flavor: Yeast and cranberries, a nice alcoholic bite at the finish.

Impressions: This is delightfully festive and fits well with a holiday meal. Warming and satisfying, with a slight kick.

Will I buy this beer again? It's seasonal, but I'd consider buying some in the off-seasons and cellaring it till the holidays. I'll certainly be buying more for this year as well.

Rating:

4 out of 5 cute beer glasses

Leffe Blonde

Price comparison: About 1½ times the cost of a national domestic.

Alcohol percentage by volume: 6.6%

Cute bottle/label? Twelve ounce standard-shaped. Glass is lighter brown than usual. Gold foil wrap and parchment-painted label. Separate shoulder label proclaims it an abbey ale "anno 1240".

Appearance: Light gold with a foamy head and slight lace. Looks like pilsner.

Scent: Apples and bananas; not much yeast, a bit of malt.

Flavor: A hint of malt and mint. Slight peppery alcohol finish with a smidge of hops. Very delicate and nicely balanced.

Impressions: The lightest, least complex Belgian I've ever encountered. If you're used to lagers or pilsners and want to work your way into the pale ales, this is a great place to start.

Will I buy this beer again? They recommend you drink this stuff out of its own specially-designed chalice (sold separately, of course), but I had it in a wine goblet and the beer police haven't arrested me yet. It's not the best Belgian I've ever had; nothing extraordinary, but it's tasty, reasonably priced considering its heritage, and the subtle flavoring renders it really versatile. I'll probably buy this one again and it'll be the one I hand out when I say to someone, "Want something to drink?" and they're foolish enough to say, "Uh, do you have any beer?" (Pfft. Do I have any beer.)

Rating:

3½ out of 5 cute beer glasses

Trappistes Rochefort 10

Price comparison: About twice what I pay for everyday beer.

Alcohol percentage by volume: 11.3%

Cute bottle/label? Understated dark brown glass, about 11.2 ounces, neatly labeled in French with German subtitles. No flash, no kickass artwork.

Appearance: A syrupy dark brown with a nice soapy head.

Scent: Brown sugar and mulled wine.

Flavor: Smoother than expected for its higher than 11% alcohol content; malty and citrusy with hints of raisins and apricots, and a light pepper aftertaste. Delightfully cinnamon-graham-crackerlike at the finish.

Impressions: A lot of brewers would like to call their product "abbey ale" or Trappist ale, but, in actuality, there are only six official brewing monasteries in the world, all in Belgium, producing, between themselves, about twenty varieties. Rochefort is actually the name of the town in this case (the monastery itself is Notre-Dame de Saint-Remy). They began production in 1595.

I mention all of this history, partly because it's interesting, but mostly because it explains a lot. Like Chimay, Rochefort has earned its reputation through hard work, centuries of scientific study and perfectionism, and precise attention to detail. This is not an everyday beer; it's meant to be savored slowly and deliberately, and lends itself well to such enjoyment. Unlike other good-tasting high-alcohol brews, the Rochefort is low maintenance, balanced to be both warming and drinkable without deep concentration on the part of the consumer.

Will I buy this beer again? I will definitely purchase it again, but not on a regular gimme-a-shotta-whiskey-and-a Rochefort sort of basis. This stuff is champagne. As much as I would like to be spoiled enough to be drinking this on an everyday basis, I think it would stop being a treat if I were to buy it too frequently. I don't so much see pairing this with a meal (though it would go well with just about every food I could think of) as having it as a celebratory drink.

Rating:

5 out of 5 cute beer glasses — perfect score!

Duvel Rood

Price comparison: About 1½ times what I pay for everyday beer.

Alcohol percentage by volume: 8½%

Cute bottle/label? You can get a four-pack of twelve-ounce bottles, but I opted for the big stupid 750ml bottle of lurve with the cork again, like the Chimay. (I might not have, had I not found that the IHOD also carries bottle stoppers so that I could reseal the open bottle rather than be obligated to finish the lot.) Black label with red writing (hence, Duvel "Rood") but I was impressed by "Anno 1871", which means the brewery is exactly 100 years older than I am. I like stuff that's older than I am.

Appearance: Pale. A bit cloudier than the standard pale ale at first, but I may have accidentally swirled the bottle while pouring, because it cleared as it settled. The color changed the closer I got to the end of the bottle; while the original shade was like the skin on a Golden Delicious apple, the later shade was more like the skin on a Granny Smith. Long-lasting foam like shaving cream. More on that in a moment.

Scent: Black pepper and citrus (grapefruit and lime). A nice combination.

Flavor: A pronounced bite, with slight acidity and an aftereffect of clove or cinnamon with vanilla. Lots of yeast at the bottom of the bottle.

Impressions: Couldn't stop concentrating on "damn, this head isn't giving up here, is it?" The foam never settled at all and the empty glass looked like the dishwasher had broken before the rinse cycle. Preoccupation with suds aside, definitely a nicely balanced and enjoyable flavor.

This is indeed quality beer, but it struck me as very much a spoiled high-maintenance bitch of a beer. You lose part of your investment in the masses of sediment at the bottom of the bottle, and drinking it out of a glass means you lose even more unless you're willing to ask for a spoon to eat the foam, which I imagine is frowned upon in your nicer establishments. Also, it's a very strong ale that you don't want to drink on an empty stomach, yet the sorts of foods that it would match well with are not standard beermates like nachos or pretzels, but more expensive fare such as grilled scallops or veal.

Will I buy this beer again? Overall, yes. I admit she's a bitch and a diva, but she pays off very well in the end. I do feel that it will be worth my while to pursue the relationship.

Rating:

4 out of 5 cute beer glasses

Chimay Grande Reserve

(NOTE: This was the point when I retired the "availability" and "do they carry Bushmill's 1608" categories due to the fact that I had discovered the IHOD, otherwise known as the Shangri-La of All Packaged Goods Purveyors)

Price comparison: 1.5 times what I pay for everyday beer.

Alcohol percentage by volume: 9%

Cute bottle/label? One great dirty big 750ml bottle. Not a jeroboam, but reminiscent of one. Understated blue label, but sealed — kid you not — with a cork and wire. Too quool. Too way quool. If you find opening those whomp-can biscuits to be a satisfying experience, try uncorking a beer. First it pops really loudly, then you get a little bit of smoke at the top of the bottle, then you get the beer. Yes, sir. Good schtuff.

Appearance: Deep reddish brown with a soft, creamy foam. Looks almost like cola at first glance. Pour carefully; it's frisky and it wants to jump out of the glass and play.

Scent: Smells like a flowery perfume with a little bit of vanilla and possibly cinnamon. There was also a background of something toasty like good coffee or freshly-lit firewood (birch or apple, you know what I mean).

Flavor: Malty and more reminiscent of stout than the other 9% varieties (so far); balanced with a hint of alkalinity. The flavor is very rich; I expected it to feel more creamy in my mouth than it did, but then again, it didn't have the downhill flowing nitrogen bubbles of a stout either. (They do so. Order Guinness at a bar and watch the glass. The bubbles go down, not up. Click here to read the science behind it.) Nice natural carbonation; tasted and smelled fine in my standard beer steins, although the Chimay glasses that are available (not cheaply) are quite pretty and I wouldn't mind having some someday.

Impressions: This ale caused me to caress my beer mug tenderly and make happy little crooning noises. It's just delicious and satisfying and it smells lovely as well. My only problem with it, not much of a one, is that if you want some, you'd better by God want more, because I don't know if it was physics or arthritis, but I couldn't get the cork back in. So I had to finish the bottle though I wasn't planning to.

Will I buy this beer again? Damned skippy I will. Hell, I'd go buy another bottle right now if I felt like moving.

Rating:

5 out of 5 cute beer glasses — perfect score!