Brew Reviews

Romulan Ale

Price comparison: $1.50 per twelve ounce bottle.

Alcohol percentage by volume: Not listed, but certainly very low. No more than 4%, at a guess.

Cute bottle/label? 12 ounce clear, standard-shaped bottle. Metallic label depicting the blue, green, and black insignia of the Romulan Empire; logo in Romulan with a Federation (standard English) translation.

Appearance: It's fucking blue, people. Windex-blue. With a short-lived head that was also undeniably blue.

Scent: Inoffensive, light lager nose. Nothing specific springs to attention, aroma-wise.

Flavor: It tasted better than I expected it to, under the circumstances. Flavorwise, a very mild lager; nice balance of light malt and hops. Easy mouthfeel and surprisingly light, dry finish.

Impressions: I wanted this to be a hell of a lot stronger than it was, just because it's legendary in the fictional Star Trek universe for having been outlawed due to its potency.

Will I buy this beer again? Absolutely not, and I'm going to tell you why.

It did taste okay, as I said. It would go well paired with any food you might drink pilsner with (ethnic spicy foods, shellfish, strong greens like arugula and watercress). I think it might have a tendency to skunk if not bought extremely fresh and kept only for a short time, very cold and away from light (due to the clear bottle), but the bottle I had was fine.

It occurred to me I might buy some more if I was expecting one of my fellow geekoids to visit. I could break out the bottle of Romulan Ale and some funky glasses and we could get down with our bad pocket-protected selves. (I might, to make it a bit more authentic, add some vodka or grain alcohol to increase the "illegal in the Federation" credibility status.)

However, the next morning I decided I will never do that.

I just have two words for you. Blue. Pee.

If you want to try this once, go for it ... make sure the bottle is very new, chill it (and the glass, if you're planning to pour it) well, and save the bottle, because the label is very cool in a dorky way. Do not expect to be overwhelmed by the flavor, do not expect it to take you anywhere, alcoholically, and do be prepared to be horrified when your body finishes processing the beer and rinses out the dye.

Rating:

5 out of 5 chalk marks. Chalking it up to experience.

Oude Kriek Lambic

Price comparison: About twice the price of beer.

Alcohol percentage by volume: 6%.

Cute bottle/label? 12.7 ounce green bottle, shaped like a smaller version of a wine bottle. Label printed to resemble crinkled parchment.

Appearance: Rosy red with a small ring of bubbles round the rim of the glass.

Scent: Okay. (Deep breath.) I need to preface this by saying that this was my first-ever encounter with a lambic. Is everyone clear on that? Good.

It smelled to me like cow poop.

I'm sorry. I can't think of a graceful way to describe the aroma. It's musty and unappetizing and just ... icky.

Flavor: The aroma was so offputting to me I was nearly unable to sample it, but I felt I had to. Lambics, apparently, are very sour. This one is cherry, but I really couldn't taste a lot of cherry. It tasted like a very dry red wine mixed with beer and vinegar. It had a very thin mouthfeel and a dry finish that made me strongly suspect the addition of tannins.

Impressions: As lambics go, particularly krieks, this one was recommended to me by the retailer as one of the more popular ones. But I guess we're going to have to face facts here. I had never had a lambic before and I wanted to see if I'd like them. Apparently, I do not.

I'm going to try to make this as unbiased as possible, so that, if you do like lambics, you can get an idea of what to look forward to here, and also because I feel bad rating a style of beer that I obviously am neither familiar enough with nor fond enough of to be really fair.

Um.

I think that, if you like very dry red wine, or if you like sour beers, then this would be something you would enjoy. It would probably go well with a strongly-flavored beef dish such as grilled steak.

If you are unused to drinking very sour beverages, I would hesitate to recommend this to you, because it is almost painfully sour and the aroma is overwhelming. The experience would take some getting used to. Which leads me to ...

Will I buy this beer again? I will not. This was the first time I not only didn't like a beer I was reviewing, but couldn't even bring myself to finish drinking it. I had to pour it out.

I have no intention of getting used to lambic. If I want dry red wine, I'll have a glass of merlot. If I want to smell cow poop, I'll go to a farm.

Rating:

5 out of 5 chalk marks. Chalking it up to experience.